OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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