My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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