I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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