bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
