I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
