Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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