I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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