Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
