Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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