First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
