I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
