I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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