I wish I could punch you in the face.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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