Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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