I'm so fucking centered right now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
