Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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