Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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