Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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