I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
