help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
