Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
