I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
