My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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