Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
