Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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