i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
