my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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