I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
