if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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