i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
