Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
