i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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