Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
