he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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