the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
