my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
These tits shall not be calmed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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