my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
