I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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