I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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