wakey wakey hands off snakey
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
