So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
