Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
