I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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