I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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