so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
