Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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