The maid of honor just puked.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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