she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
