I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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