Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
