Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are we still banned from the library?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
