Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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