3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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