How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
