My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
