pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
