I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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