literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
