I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
