Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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