Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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