eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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